Hi Jaime,
I thought I’d tell you about an organization that is helping me deal with your loss a little bit better than I was. It is made up of parents who have lost their only child or all their children.
When I found their website, it helped me realize that the magnitude of the grief and loss I’ve experienced is not unique. I still find it hard to talk about you because I almost always end in tears. I think I always will.
Initially, I felt that joining a group of people who had a similar loss in their lives would be too hard. But, when I read some of the posts on their Facebook site and in their newsletters, it helped me realize that though my grief for losing you is unique, I am not alone in having to face such a loss.
You were so much a part of my life. I loved spending time with you – sharing so much of your life. Now – I just try to find ways to carry on. People I thought would understand that this kind of loss is never gone – don’t understand. There is an expectation that you need to move forward, get on with life. But, all I want to do is look back. No – I don’t want to look back – I want to be back, with you, with joy, with sadness, with whatever we experienced when we did it together.
I may be more of a mess than some of these people, but at least I know that they can understand that there is no greater loss. Although we try to find ways to cope – our lives are forever changed. Three years or thirty – that loss will always be a part of us. And those who haven’t experienced it can’t even begin to understand this part of our journey.
I love you. I miss you. I need you. —Mom
